A Prayer For Freedom from the False Self by Henri Nouwen

"Why do I keep relating to You as one of my many relationships, instead of my ONLY relationship, in which all other ones are grounded ? Why do I keep looking for popularity, respect from others, success, acclaim, and sensual pleasures ? Why, Lord, is it so hard for me to make You the only one ? Why do I keep hesitating to surrender myself totally to You ?

Help me, O Lord, to let my old self die, to let die the thousand big and small ways in which I am still building up my false self and trying to cling to my false desires. Let me be reborn in You and see through You the world in the right way, so that all my actions, words, thoughts can become a hymn of praise to You. I need Your loving grace to travel on this hard road that leads to the death of my old self and to a new life in and for You. I know and trust that this is the road to freedom. Lord, dispel my mistrust and help me become a trusting friend. Amen."

-Henri Nouwen, "A Cry for Mercy"

Wind Blown

The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear the sound of it, but cannot tell where it comes from and where it goes, so is everyone who is born of the Spirit..   John 3:8 New King James

Jesus said, "You're not listening.  Let me say it again.  Unless a person submits to this original creation --the 'wind hovering over the water' creation,  the invisible moving the visible, a baptism into a new life -- it's not possible to enter God's kingdom   When you look at a baby, it's just that: a body you can look at and touch.  But the person who takes shape within is formed by something you can't see and touch -- the Spirit--and becomes a living spirit."  From John 3 in The Message Bible

This windblown quality of followers of Christ from this verse in John puzzled me at first. The pictures of the Spirit from The Message Bible ignited my imagination.   Everyone born of the Spirit is molded and motivated by an invisible influence to be citizens of an invisible kingdom.  This mysterious quality of those born by the Spirit can excite the curiosity of those who are not born of the Spirit.  We lay aside the agendas of modern self-help programs and religious rules and allow ourselves to blown about by the Spirit of Life.  Just as we see a leaf quiver in a summer breeze so we can see the movement of the breath of the Holy Spirit in the lives of the windblown people of God.  

Brennan Manning writes: "Though the Scriptures speak insistently of the divine initiative in the work of salvation, that by grace we are saved. That the Tremendous Lover has taken to the chase, American spirituality still seems to start with self, not with God. Personal responsibility replaces personal response.  We seem engrossed in our own efforts to grow in holiness." But Jesus taught Nicodemus that the way to this windblown life is gained by looking up to Him as the people of Israel looked up at the serpent in the desert and believed.  Real life lies in looking up at Jesus on the cross and looking at the love that nailed Him to it. Meditate and receive that love, that love that says you are enough because Jesus has made you enough.  

Jesus, resting in your love goes against my cultural and very human instincts to achieve, to work to be worthy, and to work to be noticed.  Holy Spirit show me this rest-filled, windblown lifestyle.  I struggle to comprehend it.  I long to enter into the mystery and wildness of it.  I confess I get in the way.  My desire to impress you and others-the Pride of Life-gets in the way.  My stubborn refusal to let go of shame - to  let go of the idea I can change myself - gets in the way of this windblown life.  My refusal to believe you will transform my life gets in the way.  My refusal to let go of the way my life will look to others gets in the way.  Spirit blow on me.   Blow apart the Self that gets in the way.   Leave only me and You.   Leave only Your love.  

Confessing Self-sufficiency

I found this prayer from Renovare' this morning.  Self-sufficiency is truly the enemy of rest.  I find leaving this particular "hyphenated sin" terrifying and painful to give up.   I keep asking the Holy Spirit to come into the center of my fear, so that I can leave this frantic scurry to provide for myself, relax His huge, strong arms and  watch and wait to see what He is doing.

Resting in God’s love requires that we confront our desires to be self-sufficient. It can be difficult, or even painful, to recognize our need for God, and find our sufficiency in him. Our prayer this morning is for our stubborn hearts:

Father, I am stubborn and willful. How quickly I resort to finding my own path, fighting battles on my own, and making plans without you, when all along you, Almighty God, are beside me! You are ready to make my paths straight, to fight on my behalf, and to guide me in the way you have planned if I just trust you first and above all else. Oh Heavenly Father, I long to learn true dependence, and through this, to find rest, freedom and deep peace in your sovereign care. Teach me, Lord, to be your servant.

Amen.

In addition Lord, lead me deeper into silence.  Give me the wisdom and discipline to cease complaining and otherwise manipulating people with my words.  I am determined to trust you with my reputation and my future.   May I make my home in your love today instead of my own machinations.   I love you. 

Amen

Work as Rest

For this reason the Jews persecuted Jesus and sought to kill Him, because He had done these things on the Sabbath.  But Jesus answered them,"My Father has been working until now, and I have been working."  John 5:16-17

The Pharisees defined work as activity, even walking was work.  The idea of rest was to stop doing anything, regardless of it's purpose.  Jesus' activity despite it's obvious restorative results met with persecution and plots.  Why was his violation of Sabbath law so dangerous and disturbing to him.  Jesus says he's been working all the time as His father has been working.  The work brings life. Ironically the work brings true rest and peace for those being healed.  It brings freedom from worry and striving. 

Am I ever like the Pharisee?  Do I see rest merely as ceasing activity, of keeping the rules?   Do I kill impulses to bring about restoration?  Do I see rest as striving not to do something I shouldn't?  Or do I see rest as responding to the command "Get up, take your bed and walk"?  Rest is believing your sins are forgiven, and Jesus has given you the power to walk.  The the healing and the rest are the result of faith.  The rest is in the walking.

Father, may I always rest in believing you....

Rest-Full Prayer from Richard Foster

"Jesus, when you walked among the Jerusalem crowds and in the Judean hills, you pioneered this way of living. You were always alert and alive. You lived utterly responsive to the will of the Father. Manifold demands were placed upon you, and still you walked in unhurried peace and power.

Help me to walk in your steps. Teach me to see only what you see, to say only what you say, to do only what you do. Help me, Lord, to work resting and to pray resting.

I ask this in your good and strong name. Amen."

Unearned, Undeserved Spiritual Blessing

For while the Law was given through Moses, grace (unearned, undeserved favor and spiritual blessing) and truth come through Jesus Christ.   John 1:17  The Amplified Bible

The law of Moses, the perfect picture of  how we should behave and who we should be, led people to strive until they reached the end of themselves, failure.  No matter how hard any human being could ever work, the righteousness of the law could never be honestly attained.  The best men were only "white-washed tombs."   Then grace of Jesus, a medicine and antidote for life, leads people to rest from the law.  Instead transformation comes from relaxing into grace.

So long I have striven to do what I ought to do and to be who I ought to be,  but I reached the end of myself, failure.  How do I relax into grace?  How do I receive this transformation?  I believe.  I confess.  I know this Jesus.  I pray.  I worship. I wait.  I bring all my struggle and shame to Him over and over again.  I ask the Holy Spirit to change me.   Humility, complete dependence on God, changes me.   All my programs for progress are doomed to failure.

Jesus thank-you for coming as my Word, as my Light, as my Bread.  Teach me from Your life.   Shine your light on all my sin and darkness.   Feed me with your truth.   In the process of being with you, make me new into my true self.   Even with your good and gracious law, I am lost without You.  Thank-you for giving me a spiritual blessing I cannot earn and cannot deserve.

Jesus! I am resting....

I love any song, any poem, an expression of resting in Jesus!  To know Him is to know deep peace and joy.   To know Him is to cease striving and hustling and grasping for my own worthiness.  In His Kingdom, I simply am who He made me to be and He enjoys it!   Inside the greatness of His loving Heart, my need to be loved is completely satisfied, freeing me to love freely.  No depression, no rejection, no failure can move me from the center of his heart. Their pain and sorrow will only lead me deeper into the center and leave once again forever changed.   The longer I journey with Jesus the more incredible this person, this place becomes.  The more relaxed I become! 


Jesus! I am resting, resting In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness Of Thy loving heart.
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee, And Thy beauty fills my soul,
For, by Thy transforming power, Thou hast made me whole.

Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus, I behold Thee as Thou art,
And Thy love, so pure, so changeless, Satisfies my heart,
Satisfies its deepest longings, Meets, supplies its every need,
Compasseth me round with blessings, Thine is love indeed